Recent statistics Show that 42 % of black women will NEVER jump the broom...
Wow!! That is nearly half of the female African American Population.
Now the really Question is.... As Black women do we set unrealistic goals for our relationships?
Are black men REALLY as bad as we often hear? Are sistah's even considering dating outside their race?
These are just a few questions that come to my mind when i here such staggering statistics.
A close male friend of mine said to me once -- " The problem with a lot of these young black women now days is that they get caught up on these reality shows .. like " real housewives of Atlanta" and they want that type of life style immediately... they don't want to struggle or grow with a man... they just want to be spoiled from day one."
Ladies, is this true?
Are we coming to the table with nothing to offer but expecting the world.
Do we see women on T.v. that are date celebrities and driving Range Rovers toting Louis Vuitton luggage and Associating that with what a "REAL" relationship is suppose to be?
As a very MATERIALISTIC person i can say at times i can get wrapped up in the trends.
And maybe in the back of my mind... i kinda think if a man loves me he will get me these things...
So in a NUTSHELL--" Why are nearly Half of us not making it down the aisle?
Are our expectations to high? and do we associate love with
material things"
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then why is it so hard for a white man to lock up a black girl?! 58% of you are sitting around waiting for tyrese to come along when guys like me are out there. what's wrong with being a real housewife of dubuque, iowa?
ReplyDeleteI look forward to hearing these responses from the ladies. I personally think there are a lot of factors to consider. The first of which is obviously the fact that men aren’t thinking in terms of settling down and starting a family like it used to be, so women aren’t getting asked as much. Then women now are big on the I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T tip so tough that they will not submit to a man very often. Then of course as mentioned unrealistic expectations. Snoop and his wife are together now and she lives a great lifestyle as such, but she was there before he was snoop and just another wannabe rapper. She put in the time…we don’t see that part, just the luxurious lifestyle! Also to go along with the independent mindset…back in the day women fought hard to keep a relationship going when things got rough…now-a-days it is the “to the left to the left” era and they are saying to hell with-him and on to the next…
ReplyDeleteJust my two cents.
Hi Cuz great start to your blog. To answer the question. I think a lot of women just have not learned what it is they are looking for in a relationship, and they also bring all their past baggage into a new relationship. Know yourself and what you want and need before jumping in bed with someone. Work on yourself, be secure and stable, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of those around you.Black women need to learn who's not for them and move on. If you want someone who is financially stable,respects women etc. Why would you even respond to the guy who changes jobs every time he changes his underwear and has 5 kids with 5 different women? Be alittle more open and realistic. Denzel is taken stop waiting around for him.
ReplyDelete@ NILLA... ME PERSONALLY I CAN SAY THAT I HAVE REALLY CONSIDERED DATING OUTSIDE MY RACE. YES I HAVE SEEN PLENTY ATTRACTIVE WHITE MEN ESPECIALLY IN SOUTH FLORIDA BUT I CANT HELP BUT TO LOVE THE CHOCOLATE.
ReplyDelete@ EDDIE..." SUBMIT TO A MAN" IS A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW. EVEN FOR ME WHO GREW UP IN A TWO PARENT HOME WHERE MY MOM AND DA WERE EACH OTHERS PARTNER...
THANKS GUYS FOR READING AND RESPONDING
I was going to comment on the "submit to a man" response but I'll hold my tongue for now.
ReplyDelete@Nilla.I have dated outside my race, but so far no luck. It seems even the men in my age range are just looking for a good time girl. Plus the pickin's are pretty slim where I live. I'm not super unreasonable. I want a man who is responsible, drug and disease free, canhold an intelligent conversation and is interested in a relationship. I'm 45 and proud of it. I'm past the stage of playing games. I know that the right man is out there somewhere, our paths just haven't crossed yet.
ReplyDeleteI didn't read any of the aforementioned comments so I might be quoting someone else. But I honestly understand what your homeboy is saying. As women I do believe we get caught up into television shows and try to get that life by a microwave. I do understand we need to grow with spouses. A lot of these people didn't become rich over night they worked at it. It's like anything that we want in life you have to work for it build your relationship from the ground up. Now don't get me wrong, date someone with some potential, some one who have goals and ambitions. I believe another reason why a lot of African-American woman don't get married is because we limit ourselves we think within the box, we need to start dating other races, and older men. My sister dated and married a white guy and boy I tell you they have a great marriage. Also you can't ask for some one to have 1. A great job, 2. An education, 3. A car 4. No kids and you work part-time at Wal-Mart, have a GED, catching the Metro/Lynx, and have 5 kids for four different men. It just doesn't make sense you should mirror your spouse on all levels. Remember everything taste better when its home made.
ReplyDeletelol Iowa? I'll be your housewife. I'll send you an application.
ReplyDeleteINDEPENDENT? I have a question for Eddie. A lot of men claim that they are tired of "Independent Women," but once you ask them to help you with something they run the other way and say "Man she's a gold digger!" You ask me to come over and I tell you can you give me some gas money and I'm a gold digger." Shoot I get paid on Friday and it's Wednesday and you can't give me $10 for gas? Furthermore, I don't mind a man leading but if you think you're going to run Ms. Francois into the ground you are sadly mistaken!! All I want is a man who is smart, educated (there is a difference), ambitious, GOD fearing, family oriented and a dreamer (who is willing to put his dreams into reality).
ReplyDeleteApril: I would say that most “Men” don’t have a problem with a woman asking for things. Typically the “gold digger” stigma comes when the relationship starts with give me this and my man does that type questions and terms before any type of commitment is established. If you run across a man that has a problem with $10 for any reason at any point, then you are probably talking to the wrong one. I actually have no problem with a woman that is doing her thing or making more than me for that matter. Would welcome it actually. The INDEPENDENT statement is more in terms of the mindset. If your mindset is I don’t need a man I can do everything myself then there will never be an effort to make a relationship work when tough times hit. The guy, being as bull headed as we are, will be too prideful and the woman will be too strong minded to ‘beg’ a man to stay around because “I don’t need him anyway”. Work needs to be done on both ends, especially us men folk, but I’m just saying the Jill Scott “I need you” mentality is preferable than the “to the left to the left”.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
That last was to LO. And Ms. Bonny…Submit to a man IS a hard pill to swallow for women these days. I honestly think that is a big part of the problem. I know the rebuttal would easily be that men aren’t worth submitting to…but I think if that’s the case the solution isn’t to NOT submit, but rather finding someone worth submitting to.
ReplyDelete